My mom saved my life - while she was dying

By Elizabeth Lawrence (aka Florence Lorence) from Lethbridge Alberta - Shared to MSTH via Facebook and reprinted with permission.

Note: Florence self identifies with the term addict and we respect her choice of language.

Mary Ann Lawrence RIP

Mary Ann Lawrence RIP

Be kind to the suffering addict, the only way out is not to judge, shame and take away their worth......its already gone. The only way out is to give the gift of HOPE when they are finally completely feeling spiritually empty, hopeless and the life they once enjoyed is crumbling around them .  

I have been there.  If it wasn’t for my mother, my father and my friends I would not be here. Sue, who knew me from a from a previous stay at Sage health centre, and a stranger brought me back from my robbed life and non spiritual hell. With the worst greyhound trip across Canada (which I tried multiple unsuccessful attempts to bail). With nothing to drink or eat for two days I suffered even more.  A stranger, who knew I needed help, tucked me in and gave me my first drink.  I felt every drop as if it brought me back to life, it awakened my spirit, something so simple, as I looked at the can, the sky cleared up and the sun was shining onto my hand, on that can it said "Canada Dry".  I laughed because I truly was Canadian dry on a bus from Montreal to Kamloops (ticket given to me from Wayne and Karen, thank you. I’m forever grateful).

When I got off that bus that kind stranger said "you're a good person ". I cried and for the first time in a long time I had hope. He was returning home from his mother’s funeral. I now share that pain after losing my mother to cancer.  I wish I could thank him and tell him he's a good person. 

In sobriety, my addiction has been used against me, to deflect their own lies and issues. What helps me is going back to this time and see my worth again.

What I would like to say is: my story was about the kindness, love and hope, but it could have been the opposite with my mother, Sue, Wayne, Karen and this stranger not in it. I would have had zero treatment option, no way to get anywhere, not a good person. I would have felt worthless. This would have been my end, my life gone, love lost. There would be no hope and wouldn't have been there holding my mother’s hand when she needed me the most. 

I'm sure comments on here, on Roast and Toast [local Lethbridge Facebook page where this was first posted] may become harsh. I've been commenting for months on theses posts. I have many stories and so do a lot of addicts. I personally have been told I am stupid, a “f'nb”, mean, lied about in attempts to ruin my reputation, well petty much everything right down to “let addicts die”.

I’ve been told how dare I compare addiction to cancer , if you knew me you'd know I fight both (triple negative breast cancer) and know the outcome of both diseases and do have knowledge and this is my opinion. I will not let my Mothers cries and fight for me be for nothing.

  1. I will continue to know my truth and who I am whether I am using or not and defend other addicts whether they use or not.

  2. I will continue to stick up for those who are hurt by hate in every sense , in every illness.   

  3. I will continue to reach out my hand

  4. I will continue to comfort; hear their stories and I will continue to tell them they matter.   

I do know there is bad people out there who are addicts and who are not addicts, but most are not bad. My heart breaks for the ones suffering in this crisis. I don't think I would have accepted help if this is the way people were reacting. 

Lethbridge needs to stop talking negatively about addicts and give hope and love, compassion and understanding.

Please be a good person. 

Epilogue and comment by Elizabeth to MSTH:

My mother asked me before I left for Montreal if I was tiring to race her to her grave. I truly believe I held on because I saw her pain. I cannot imagine if I had passed, she could possibly be in more pain than I saw. She saved me and I know the mothers on your site [MSTH] have pain that is unbearable, and I think so brave to fight for a cause to help other mothers, children and support with education.

We need to be louder than the ones bringing stigma that's incorrect, they are a huge part of the problem. My mother was part of saving me but I also know one person sometimes isn't enough even if their bond is strong, I wish for the mothers here and elsewhere to please don't blame themselves, you are all the best mothers especially working for this cause, your my heroes.

MSTH: Thank you Elizabeth. Your words mean a lot to us. This fight is exhausting and sometimes it’s hard to know where we make a different. Words like yours sustain us and keep us going. You are right. We need to be louder!

The most effective treatment for opioid use is the one people are least likely to get.

Guest Blog by Jennifer J. Carroll, PhD MPH (she/her) reprinted from twitter with permission.

Comments in [ ] are from MSTH to offer a Canadian context and/or definitions.

A massive study (>40k people) [by Wakeman et al., 2020] on opioid addiction treatment finds significant reduction in overdose and health complications in patients on on Buprenorphine [Suboxone] and methadone [opioid agonist treatment (OAT)]. Other behavioral or residential care, detox, treatment with naltrexone [a substance that prevents the person from getting a high when they consume opioids], had SAME OUTCOMES AS NO TREATMENT AT ALL.

It's far beyond time to start asking ourselves a few tough questions: --why does SAMHSA {USA based Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services] financially support so many treatment centers that do not offer the only medications for opioid use disorder that are PROVEN to save lives?

[MSTH: We see the same in Canada with provincial governments investing in abstinence based residential programs, such as the recent announcement by the government of Alberta to invest 13 million into such treatment spaces.]

Why are individuals who are arrested and/or imprisoned almost universally denied these life saving medications, regardless of whether they need them or were receiving them from a doctor at time of arrest? Why are we allowing jails and prisons to celebrate themselves for "offering treatment" when all that means is dosing inmates with naltrexone--a medication known to INCREASE overdose risk--the moment they are released?

{MSTH: In Canada some correctional institutions offer OAT (Methadone & Suboxone), but inconsistently at the federal level and even less in provincial jails. Naltrexone is not used to the extend as it is in the US].

Why do so many drug courts refuse participants/defendants access to these medications? Many drug courts will treat prescription methadone and Buprenorphine as "failure" of the court program and will send people back to jail for meds received from their doctor.

[MSTH: Canadian Drug Treatment Courts require people to be abstinent to be in the program and to plead guilty to enter the program. Failure to comply will mean the end of the treatment program send the person to jail.]

This study simply reiterates several scientifically established truths that we have LONG known. This is very important research...but it's not news. We are how many years, how many tens of thousands of preventable deaths into this overdose epidemic now?

So why in the hell are these meds so SO under-used, under-promoted, unknown to people in need, disparages by certain segments of law enforcement, disparaged by certain segments of the recovery community. It makes no sense. Unless you recognize the fact that we hate people who use drugs. We hate them. We, as individuals, as families, as institutions, as a society. We tell them they are weak. We treat them like garbage. We tell them everything they are struggling with is their fault.

When we misplace blame onto people who use for things they can not control, we create this false belief in ourselves that people experiencing addiction need BETTER CHARACTER more than they need proven support---support that doesn't claim to require "rock bottom" to start working.

Let's be clear. "Rock bottom" is not a turning point. It is total abandonment. "Tough love" isn't support. It's abandonment. "A night in jail" isn't treatment. It's jail (h/t @DrKimSue). Anything that isn't proven, effective treatment ...isn't treatment.

If we truly love people living with opioid addiction, we will want them to be healthy and survive. If we want them to be healthy and survive, we MUST defend and fight for access to these meds.

Meds aren't a crutch. ~ Meds aren't a substitute addiction. ~ Meds save lives.

Love is not forcing more pain onto those already suffering.

Love is supporting the choices that people make for themselves when seeking addiction support.

Love is making sure that life saving medications (methadone and Buprenorphine) are ALWAYS among those available choices.

We so often and so tenaciously hate people who use drugs. But we can choose love. Ask where these meds can be accessed in your community. Ask why there isn't nearly enough enough access to meet need/demand. Then go out and fight for more.